Fears

Hello internet. 

Everyone has things on their mind that they don't really share with anyone. Even if they want too. I have a lot of things on my mind that is unspoken. Like my biggest "what if.." and my anxiety about the future.

Right now i feel like talking about fears. I have a lot of fears. I'm afraid of heights, i'm afraid of needles, i'm afraid of talking in front of people and sometimes i'm afraid of the dark.

Sometimes i just want to overcome my fear. Beat it. I don't want it to be there. But then every time i try to beat it i just get too much anxiety and sometimes small panic attacks. Last summer i was going to overcome my fear of heights. I actually got up in the Eiffel tower, but then i almost kind of fainted. I didn't but i was really really close.

I read a quote once on the internet who said "Fear is an illusion, when you understand that you'll be free". I was thinking about this and i'm still are(i read that like a year ago) It works sometimes, but i haven't really understood this yet. I kind of understand that fear is more like a choice, okay not a choice but it's you're own thoughts. We have created our own fear. I have made myself think that heights are dangerous, which it can be sometimes but not going up in a tower. Needles aren't dangerous but i think that, i can't change the way i've made myself feel about needles, or i can i just need to know how. Maybe google have the answer? Is someone reading this having a fear or fears? Have you ever beat you're fear? Tell me in a comment please.

Bye Internet. 

I'm a spion - Story time

Hello Internet. 

Last night i slept over at a friends house. It was all fine, we had a really good time. Then the night came(DUN DUN DUN). This was the first time i slept over at her place, we aren't really that close because we recently started to hangout. So i'm not close with her family either, i've met them twice this year. She turns the light off, so we're in completely darkness. Like i can't even see my fucking hand. Her bed is agains the wall and my phone is like next to her so if i wanted it i needed to climb over her or even go around the bed.

I tried to sleep but after a hour i was still f**king wide awake. AND I DIDN'T HAVE MY PHONE. She was sleeping and i thought to myself "Should i try to take my phone". I didn't want to wake her up. So after getting some courage i decided to go around the bed without being able to see a shit. But i did, like i manage to go around the whole fucking bed take my phone and lay down again. I was playing with my phone, having a good time when i felt the need to pee. NOOOOO.

The toilet is downstairs. I'm upstairs. The toilet is next to her parent's room. And i was afraid to go. I didn't want to wake someone. It's not like i know them well.

After some minutes i went for it. I walked up, went out from her room and then started to walk on my toes, trying to be quiet as F*CK. I walked down the stairs who made a weird sound every time i took a step. I wanted to kill that stair. When i had finally got down from the fucking stairs, her dog jumped up on me, scaring the pee out of me (No i didn't pee myself) I almost screamed but i managed to be quiet. I walked to the toilet and back like a champ.

I just had to go like 3 more times after this... And every time i was scared.

Yeah, i just blogged about me needing too pee at my friends house in the middle of the night. I hate peeing in the night when i'm not home. Is i'm the only one who's feeling like this? I felt like i was on a mission, and i completed it!!!!! I'm a spion, who need to pee now so...

BYE INTERNET

First impression

Hello internet. 

I don't know why but first blog posts feel like it should be super special. I guess it feels like a first impression. But you should never trust a first impression. My best friend seemed normal the first time i met her, now she's weird as f*ck. Most people find me normal the first time they meet me, but i can tell you that i'm not normal and i'm happy for that. How fun would life be if you saw everything with normal eyes? I'm sorry for everyone who is normal, I hope you'll find a way to be weird.

What are you suppose to write in first blog posts? Am i suppose to tell everyone about myself or am i suppose to be super funny so everyone will keep reading my blog? Like i'm confused. I can't really be myself if i don't really feel comfortable and it kind of feels like i'm surrounded by strangers. I'll get more comfortable after a few posts.

Random fact, i'm writing this 03:00 am in my bathtub. That tells a lot about my life. I should really rethink my life choices. But the thing i should really focus on right now is not dropping my Macbook in the bathtub(Yeah i'm sitting with the computer in the bathtub, i'm not on my phone :3)

More random fact about me, i dream of publish one book(or more) and i want to be an actress. I live on music, it's like a drug for me. I love food. I'm in a lot of fandoms(yeah i'm a fangirl deal with it) I hate painting my eyebrows. I'm tired right now so this post will be weird but at the same time who really cares if it isn't the worlds best blog post ever? I have social anxiety. I'm in love with my dog! She's a cutey. Like who need a boyfriend when you have you're dog? And yeah i'm single and i don't want to mingle? Haha.

I should leave my bathtub and leave the computer. I'm tired. I hope someone reads this and kind of like me? I promise i'll get better and better on blogging.

Bye Internet.